


i love you (and that's all i really know)

by GallifreyanFairytale



Series: keep coming back to you (zukka week 2021) [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Allonormativity, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Toph Beifong, Asexual Relationship, Asexual Sokka (Avatar), Asexual Yue (Avatar), Asexual Zuko (Avatar), First Kiss (derogatory), Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Azula/Jin (Avatar), Minor Suki/Yue (Avatar), New Year's Kiss, Past Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Roommates, Zukka Week 2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: “You’re in love with him,” Toph says bluntly. “I’m blind and don’t know the first thing about romance, but even I can see that much.”“How can I be in love with him if I never want to kiss him again?” Zuko argues.Toph hums. “I don’t know. I can’t explain your feelings to you; I just say it how it is. And ‘how it is’ is you’re in love with Sokka and he’s in love with you.”or: ace!zukka
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: keep coming back to you (zukka week 2021) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2209851
Comments: 36
Kudos: 133





	i love you (and that's all i really know)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SmileHoney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmileHoney/gifts).



> okay so about a month ago, i reblogged [this post](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/post/642595099371618304/can-we-have-some-chaotic-i-swear-were-not) on tumblr and tagged it with zukka, and then [Ellen](https://zukosadragon-ace.tumblr.com/) saw the first prompt on the list and said "ace zukka??" and i said _YES_
> 
> then i ended up not finishing it as quickly as i hoped, so i figured i'd use it for zukka week. i hope i did your idea justice, ellen <3
> 
> warning for brief, vague, mentions of sex near the end after yue brings up asexuality. there's nothing graphic, but if you want to avoid it, you can stop reading at "Zuko and Sokka look at each other, then back to Yue. “What?”" and start reading again at "Yue might have a point"
> 
> title from love story by taylor swift (ironically, i chose this title like. two days before she released the re-recording kshjgdfhsk)

Zuko is… confused.

That’s the best way to put it, probably. 

He _thought_ he knew what he was feeling. He’d packed said feelings up in a box wrapped in blue paper with a nice little bow on top, but now, he feels like he’s opened the box and there was nothing there to begin with. Which, as far as Zuko is aware, isn’t actually how feelings are supposed to work. You’re supposed to _think_ you can shove them down until they dissipate only to realize that’s impossible.

But then again, said feelings aren’t _gone_ , per se. They’re just… not what Zuko thought they were?

He _thought_ he had a crush on Sokka. Which, like, wasn’t _awesome_ , but at least Zuko _knew_ what he was feeling and he wasn’t suspended in some sort of in-between, questioning his entire existence and the past year of his life. At least Zuko knew, when he was pining for his best friend who didn’t reciprocate his feelings, that he had a nice little label for it. Even if said label was _unrequited crush_.

But then Katara and Aang had hosted a New Year’s party with all their friends, and Zuko and Sokka had been the only ones without anyone to kiss at midnight (excluding Toph, who said she would ‘rather walk on hot coals than kiss anyone’). So everyone had ganged up on Zuko and Sokka until they agreed to be each other’s New Year’s kiss, and--

Well. It was fine. It was _okay_. But it wasn’t...

It wasn’t something Zuko’s particularly keen on repeating. And he’d laughed when Toph had made her comment about walking on hot coals, but now he can sort of see where she’s coming from. Granted, he probably wouldn’t choose burning his feet over kissing Sokka again, but he can appreciate the sentiment. 

So now that Zuko has actually kissed Sokka and decided it was just sort of vaguely _bad_ , he has no idea where his feelings for Sokka lie. They must just be friendly ones, right?

_Right?_

He can’t have a crush on someone and simultaneously never want to kiss them. Can he?

No, he must have just misinterpreted his feelings. He must’ve just shoved an incorrect label on them for the past year and let himself believe he’d identified them correctly when really, he’s only ever seen Sokka as a friend.

(And Zuko will pointedly _ignore_ the jealousy that had bubbled up in his stomach when Sokka had let Suki set him up on a blind date; that was just because Zuko didn’t want Sokka to get a significant other and stop spending so much time with him as a result. Obviously.)

Anyways, it’s probably for the best that Zuko’s crush isn’t actually a crush because when they’d broken the kiss, Sokka had looked like he wasn’t too fond of it either. Which, clearly, Zuko doesn’t blame him for. And _maybe_ it was just because it was Zuko’s first kiss, but… there’s something nagging at Zuko’s mind that tells him he could kiss Sokka every day and it would still be Not Right.

So now Zuko has to reevaluate the past year of his life, which he spent thinking he was in love with his best friend-slash-roommate, and accept the fact that he spent twelve months bringing suffering upon himself for giving his feelings towards Sokka an incorrect label. And it’s fine, it’s _fine_ , because that’s probably better than the alternative of _actually_ being in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same. It’s just a little frustrating that Zuko thought, maybe, he had an actual, real, crush this time only to find out that this one wasn’t right either.

He stares down at the steam rippling up from his cup of tea. He’s not sure, really, why he came to Uncle when he’s not planning on _telling_ Uncle about his problems, but he woke up and he needed to be anywhere besides his own apartment. And Uncle’s is always the safest place to go.

Unfortunately, what Zuko _wasn’t_ aware of is the fact that Azula was already there.

“Uh oh,” she says as soon as she sees him. “Don’t tell me you had a fall out with your boyfriend.” She crosses over to the cupboard and pulls out a mug, pours herself a cup of tea, and sits down across from Zuko. She takes a long sip, despite the fact that Zuko knows it must be burning her tongue, and then raises an eyebrow at him. “Well? Trouble in paradise?”

“Sokka and I aren’t dating,” Zuko grumbles.

“Right, sorry, my bad,” Azula apologizes in the most insincere tone she can probably muster. “You’re just two pals who kissed last night at midnight for funsies, right?” Azula cackles as Zuko’s good eye widens. “Suki texted Mai, who told Ty Lee, who texted me. You can’t hide anything from me, Zuzu.”

“Sure,” Zuko admits, because it’s probably true, “but it’s been, like, eight hours.”

“I know!” she exclaims. “Aren’t you proud of me for waiting so long to mention it? _And_ you should be grateful I didn’t bring it up around Iroh.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “Thank you, Azula. What would I do without you?”

Azula smirks. “So you didn’t immediately confess your feelings after kissing your long time crush?”

“I _don’t_ have a crush on Sokka!” Zuko shouts. He groans. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I’m into every guy I’m friends with.”

Azula scoffs. “I _know_ that. But you’re definitely into Sokka.”

Okay. Well this conversation is clearly going nowhere. Zuko should’ve just stayed home. If he leaves now, he could probably avoid actually _seeing_ Uncle--

“Zuko! What a nice surprise.”

Never mind.

“Good morning, Uncle.” Zuko plasters a smile on his face and hopes if it looks too fake, it can just be blamed on the fact that he still woke up at seven despite not going to bed until three.

“Is everything alright?” he questions. 

“Sure, apart from the fact that I only got four hours of sleep.”

Azula covers her laugh with a pitiful fake cough. Zuko takes another sip of his tea, refusing to make eye contact with either his sister or his uncle. Even if he _were_ wanting to talk to someone about the whole kissing Sokka situation, he can’t have that conversation with both Azula and Uncle at the same time. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Uncle pats him on the shoulder. “You know I am always here if you need to talk, Zuko.”

Zuko nods. “I know. Thank you.”

As soon as Uncle’s left the room - presumably to get ready - Azula snorts. “You’re the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

“I _did_ get four hours of sleep.”

Azula doesn’t respond to that. “What’s _really_ up with you? It has to do with the kiss, right? What happened?”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “What happened is everyone wanted Sokka and I to kiss for New Year’s, Sokka and I kissed at midnight, and that was it. Whatever you heard through your game of telephone was over exaggerated.”

“Come on, Zuzu. I wasn’t born yesterday.” Azula flips her hair over her shoulder. “I know you’ve been in love with Sokka basically since you met him. You can’t honestly tell me you kissed him and felt _nothing_.”

And really, to Azula’s credit, that’s what Zuko had thought right up until the moment Sokka’s lips met his. But, standing on the other side of the kiss, Zuko knows better. So he meets Azula’s eyes and says, “I kissed him, and I didn’t feel anything.” If he really is such a bad liar, Azula should know he’s telling the truth this time.

Azula points a finger at him. “See, that just doesn’t make sense.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Zuko exclaims before he can think twice about it. Azula has a way of frustrating him into spilling more than he’d like, and at this point, he should probably be able to see what she’s doing. But he fell into her trap once again.

Except, apparently, Azula wasn’t actually _trying_ to trap him this time. She stares at him blankly. “What.”

Zuko groans and runs a hand through his hair. “That’s the _problem_. I don’t know _what_ I feel for Sokka. I thought I had a crush on him, but then I kissed him, and it was just…” Zuko wrinkles his nose. “I don’t know. So obviously I don’t actually _like_ him like that.”

“...I’m not following.”

“Me neither!”

Azula throws her hands up in the air. “Why do I even try to talk to you?”

“I don’t know! _You_ started this conversation!”

Azula doesn’t respond. They glare at each other and finish their tea in silence. At some point, Uncle comes back into the kitchen, but if he heard any of their conversation, he doesn’t comment on it. He just pours himself his own cup of tea and heads downstairs to open up the shop for the day.

It isn’t until Azula’s finished her tea and pushes the mug away from her that she speaks up again. “So, what? You’re running from your lack of feelings now?”

“I don’t have to take this from you,” Zuko growls. “Come back and talk to me when you’ve asked Jin out.” He stands up and ignores Azula’s cries of protest, about how it’s ‘different’, though she won’t elaborate on _why_.

Zuko just tunes her out. Clearly she isn’t going to offer any actual help concerning this situation.

\--

Oddly enough, life continues on mostly as normal. Nothing really changes between Zuko and Sokka post-kiss. They don’t talk about it, mostly because there’s a mutual understanding that neither of them were too fond of said kiss and there’s really nothing else to say beyond that. Sokka is still overly affectionate - cuddling with Zuko during movie nights, holding hands while walking around campus - and Zuko still relishes in every point of contact between them, but it’s strictly platonic.

Even if his friends will argue with him for hours that there’s _no way_ his feelings for Sokka are platonic ones, Zuko knows better. Because there isn’t another option. 

_“I just don’t get it,” Mai says, sounding bored. Her gaze sweeps from the window over to Zuko. “You and Sokka can’t go five minutes without seeing each other, and whenever you’re together, you’re always touching in some way. Ty Lee and I aren’t half as bad as you two.”_

_Zuko looks between her and Ty Lee, who currently has one of Mai’s arms wrapped up in hers. “You might have a more compelling argument if Ty Lee weren’t clinging to you right now and Sokka were here with me.”_

_Ty Lee giggles. “He does have a point, hun.”_

_Mai rolls her eyes._

_“You’re in love with him,” Toph says bluntly. “I’m blind and don’t know the first thing about romance, but even I can see that much.” They’re sprawled out on the floor of her and Suki’s apartment while Suki is at the gym. The original plan had been to study, but that fell through a good hour ago, and now they’re just talking about whatever._

_“How can I be in love with him if I never want to kiss him again?” Zuko argues._

_Toph hums. “I don’t know. I can’t explain your feelings to you; I just say it how it is. And ‘how it is’ is you’re in love with Sokka and he’s in love with you.”_

_“I think you might be wrong this time.” Zuko twirls his pencil in his fingers._

_“Whatever you say, Sparky.” She sits up and feels around until her hand makes contact with her cane. “You wanna go get food? I’m starving.”_

_“I’m going to be honest,” Suki crosses her arms, “I think you and Sokka are already dating; you’re just refusing to label it.” She sits back in her seat, daring Zuko to challenge her._

_Zuko scoffs. “That’s ridiculous.”_

_“You go on dates.”_

_“They’re friend dates. Like this, right now, which I know is a friend date because you have a girlfriend.”_

_“You hold hands all the time.”_

_“Sokka’s just affectionate like that.”_

_“You always keep each other’s favorite snack on you, you have each other’s class schedules memorized, and you do that weird thing where you talk without actually saying anything like you can read each other’s minds.”_

_“Because we’re_ friends _!” Zuko groans. “Why is everyone trying to turn our friendship into something it’s not?”_

 _“We’re_ trying _to get you guys to see that what you have is not the same as a ‘really strong friendship’, but you’re both too stubborn to listen.”_

Zuko isn’t sure if Sokka’s getting the same interventions, but he doesn’t let himself dwell on it for too long because when he does, something weird bubbles up in his stomach. It could be either dread or excitement; they feel the same sometimes. Or it could be something else entirely - something unnameable. Regardless, it’s uncomfortable and Zuko would like very much to avoid confronting it.

He’d much prefer to ignore any sort of contemplation or meditation on his feelings, because it’s so much easier to just exist in Sokka’s presence without worrying about whether their friends are right and Zuko’s mislabeled his feelings for Sokka for real this time.

It’s so much easier to lounge on the couch, pretending he’s comprehending a single word in _Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man_ while Sokka moves around the kitchen, absentmindedly humming along to the songs on the radio as he makes ramen noodles. It’s so much easier to slip his bookmark into his book and accept the bowl Sokka offers him with a smile and a quiet _thank you_ as Sokka plops down onto the couch next to him. It’s so much easier to let Sokka hook his leg around Zuko’s as he searches Netflix for something to watch while they eat and just _not think_ about any of it. 

It’s so much easier to just let the same pattern of life they had pre-kiss stay exactly as it was without allowing himself to consider that maybe his feelings don’t seem to be quite adjacent with the _friendship_ label either.

\--

Azula waltzes into the Jasmine Dragon with a smug look on her face. She struts right up to the counter and leans forward, into Zuko’s space. “Guess what.”

Zuko sighs deeply. He glances at the door, hoping maybe someone will walk through in the next half-second so he can push Azula away in favor of taking their order.

No such luck.

“What?”

“You have to guess.”

Zuko groans. “Azula, I’m working. I don’t have time for games.”

Azula makes a show of looking around the restaurant before her eyes settle back on Zuko. “I can count the number of people in here on one hand, and when I walked in, you weren’t doing anything. So guess, or I call Iroh and tell him you’re just standing around.”

Zuko rolls his eyes. “Uncle’s in the back room. But fine, I’ll guess. You burned down a building.”

“Nope. Guess again.”

“You finally poisoned Hahn’s drink?”

“Sadly no.”

“You’re moving to Australia so you can befriend all the spiders?”

“ _No_. You stink at this game.” Azula sighs. “Do you give up?”

“I gave up the moment I saw you walk through the door,” Zuko deadpans, going back to wiping down the counter even though he’s been wiping it down long enough that it’s not actually doing anything at this point.

“I have a date!”

Zuko stops. “You what?”

“I have a date,” Azula repeats, slower this time. “With Jin.”

Zuko looks up to see a grin stretching across Azula’s face. If the shop were empty, he’d jump over the counter to give her a hug. As it is, he matches Azula’s smile with one of his own. “That’s great, Azula!”

“I know!” Then, her smile turns a bit more mischievous. “So am I allowed to bully you for blatantly ignoring whatever is happening between you and Sokka now?”

Zuko raises an eyebrow. “Did you ask Jin out? Or did Jin ask you out?”

Azula’s smile falters. “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“That’s what I thought.” Zuko starts wiping down the counter again. “You can’t claim to have confronted your feelings if _Jin_ is the one who made the first move.”

Azula scoffs. “Well I’m doing more than you are.” She makes her way back behind the counter and brushes past Zuko, headed in the direction of the back room. “Also, you’re coving Jin’s shift on Friday night.”

“ _What_?!” Zuko demands. “No I’m not!”

“Yes. You are,” Azula responds. “Because I’m going to go beg Iroh to give Jin Friday off, and he’s going to ask you to cover her shift after he gives into my desperate pleas.” With that, Azula swings the door to the back room open and marches inside. Zuko groans.

\--

Friday night comes, and Zuko is stuck behind the counter of the Jasmine Dragon. 

It had panned out exactly as Azula had said it would. She put on her best _Don’t you want your niece who had to repress her sexuality for the first sixteen years of her life to be able to go on a date with the girl she really likes?_ face, and of course Uncle couldn’t say no. And when Uncle had come to Zuko, asking him to cover Jin’s shift - for Azula’s sake of course - Zuko couldn’t say no either.

So now he’s here, covering Jin’s shift just like Azula had predicted. But it’s not like he had any other plans anyways. He would’ve either been doing his reading for class on Monday or half-paying attention to whatever documentary Sokka decided to put on. Maybe both.

(And really, Zuko tries not to think about how he would _much_ rather be curled up against Sokka’s side listening to a monotonous voice list off dolphin facts than working. He’s doing this for _Azula_ and no matter how infuriating she may be, he does want her to be happy.)

The redeeming factor of the night is that he gets to see Suki and Yue. They walk into the Jasmine Dragon hand-in-hand, and Yue bounces up to the counter, dragging Suki behind her. Yue orders for both of them, not even needing to ask Suki what she wants, while Suki drops Yue’s hand in favor of snaking her arm around Yue’s waist and dropping a kiss on the top of Yue’s head.

As Zuko types in the order, he’s hit with the overwhelming realization that he wants that with Sokka.

Wait.

 _What_?

He shakes his head to clear the thought away. There’s only an hour left before they close and he’s been working basically since his last class for the day got out; he’s just tired and not thinking straight. Of course he doesn’t _actually_ want to be in a relationship with Sokka. He already _had_ this discussion with himself and Azula and Mai and Toph and Suki. He’s just… touch starved?

(That term doesn’t feel entirely right, but Zuko will settle on it anyway.)

Suki pays for their drinks and Zuko sets to work making them. Just as he’s calling out their names, the door swings open again. Much to Zuko’s surprise, it’s Sokka who steps inside.

“What are you doing here?”

Suki snickers as she picks up her and Yue’s drinks to take them back to their table.

Sokka frowns. “That’s not a very nice greeting.” He crosses the shop and perches on one of the stools at the counter. “Isn’t it supposed to go, ‘Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, what can I get started for you’?”

“You have a project due at midnight,” Zuko responds. “Is it done, or did you come here to procrastinate?”

“Can’t a guy visit his best friend at work without an interrogation?”

Zuko just stares at Sokka.

After several moments of silence, Sokka sighs. “ _No_. I didn’t finish it. I couldn’t focus without your,” Sokka gestures vaguely at Zuko.

Zuko raises his eyebrow. “My what?”

“I need someone to talk to while I work. It helps me figure things out,” Sokka explains. He shrugs his backpack off his shoulder (and oh, Zuko hadn’t even _noticed_ that) and pulls his laptop out. “So I’m gonna work on it here!” he exclaims. “...If that’s okay?”

Even if it weren’t okay, Zuko can’t say no to Sokka or how cute he looked when he announced his plan to work on his project at the Jasmine Dragon like it was the greatest idea he’d ever come up with.

Still, Zuko can’t bite back a snarky comment. “You really miss me that much?”

Sokka reaches forward and takes Zuko’s hand into his. “Dude. I always miss you.”

Zuko feels his face heat up and turns to reorganize the cups that don’t need reorganizing so Sokka can’t see him. “Just do your work.”

Over at their table, Suki and Yue burst into a fit of giggles. Zuko tries not to think too hard about it.

\--

Sometimes, Zuko wonders _why_ he chose to major in English if he consistently has to read books he either hates or just straight up doesn’t understand. Then, he remembers that if he were to switch majors, he’d have to choose something _else_ and anything besides English would be insufferable. So he shuts his mouth and makes notes in the margins of his book about how ridiculous it is that the main character would know the structure of a language but use the name of the people who speak said language instead of the actual name of the language.

(And, okay, maybe it makes Zuko angrier than it should because it was referencing Inuktitut, which is Sokka’s native tongue, but _still_. How are you going to understand how a language works but not know it’s actual name? And _why_ would a character who is so blatantly racist throughout the novel understand the structure of any language besides English? It just seems like bad writing, in Zuko’s humble opinion.)

 _But_ , on the bright side, when Zuko is reading, he can lay his head on Sokka’s lap while Sokka watches videos for his classes. It makes reading such a terrible book tolerable.

They’re in the library, tucked in the back corner in between classes. It’s quiet apart from the hum of the heating system, and despite the fact that Zuko’s book makes him want to rip his hair out, this is nice. He likes these peaceful moments he and Sokka share - both wrapped up in their own work with casual physical contact still grounding them in each other. 

Sokka pulls one earbud from his ear and looks down at Zuko. “How’s the book?”

Zuko sighs. “Still awful. I’ve only got a couple more pages left, though.” He lowers the book so he can look up at Sokka. “How’s the video?”

Sokka shrugs. “Boring. _But_ I finished watching it, so now I’ve just got to answer the questions, and I’ll be done!”

“Nice.” Zuko reaches up to awkwardly pat Sokka’s arm. “I’m proud of you.”

“Awww, thanks!” Sokka ruffles Zuko’s hair, and Zuko responds by sticking his tongue out. It doesn’t do anything to deter Sokka, but Zuko isn’t necessarily _trying_ to deter him. He just has to act annoyed on principle. 

He pushes himself up into a sitting position, sticks his bookmark in his book, and sets it aside. “How much longer do we have?”

Sokka checks his phone. “Thirty minutes? You said you wanted to get to your class early to talk to your professor today, right?”

Zuko hums in affirmation, affection flooding his veins at the fact that Sokka remembered. “I want to see what he thinks of my thesis for our first essay - make sure I’m on the right track with it and it’s something he thinks I can actually pull supporting evidence for, you know?”

“Not really,” Sokka admits. “I don’t understand _why_ you’re writing about a book that’s already been written. I mean, what more is there to say?”

Zuko blanches. “Sokka, there is _so_ much more to say!” He shakes his head. “I’m not arguing this right now. We don’t have time. _But_ ,” he points an accusing finger at Sokka, “I _will_ tell you exactly all the reasons you’re _wrong_ tonight, and I’m going to force you to rethink your stance on my major.”

Sokka smiles like he got exactly what he was hoping for. “Okay. You do that. Prepare a whole speech or whatever and try to sway my beliefs.” He leans closer to Zuko, the proximity sending a shiver down Zuko’s spine, “I don’t think you can do it.”

“Tui and La, would you two get a room?!”

Sokka pulls back from Zuko so fast he nearly smacks his head against the wall, swiveling to look at Katara. “How long have you been there?”

Katara looks unamused. She crosses her arms. “Long enough. Suki said you two are always here at this time, and I need money. Aang and I are going to get coffee, but I forgot my purse at home. Just ten bucks, I’ll pay you back.”

Sokka scoffs. “Shouldn’t Aang be buying?”

If possible, Katara’s frown deepens. “It’s my turn to pay. Aang and I don’t conform to the heteronormative ideal of the man always paying for the dates, because it’s ridiculous. I have a job.”

“And yet you’re begging your brother for money?”

“I _forgot_ mine, because _someone_ was on the phone with me griping about Pakku’s class for the third time this week like I am not _well aware_ he’s a crusty old man as well as the worst professor to ever step foot on this campus.”

Sokka raises his hands in defense. “I’m kidding!” He digs through his backpack, procuring a twenty dollar bill. “Here. This is the only cash I have on me. Don’t spend it all in one place.”

Katara rolls her eyes and takes the money. She turns to leave, but stops to throw a final glance back over your shoulder. “Sokka, I know you’re insisting you _didn’t like kissing Zuko_ , but you might have an easier time convincing me that’s the truth if you didn’t spend all your time looking at him like he’s the only other thing that exists in the entire world.” She looks forward again, and calls out, “Don’t make me take up Azula’s offer to team up in order to get you two together. No one wants that,” as she walks away.

Sokka buries his head in his hands and mumbles something Zuko doesn’t catch, which is just as well, because Zuko can feel the flush spreading across his cheeks and he’d prefer Sokka _not_ see it.

(He doesn’t want Sokka to get the wrong idea, after all.)

“Sorry,” Sokka apologizes, voice still muffled by his hands. “I’ve tried telling her over and over that I’m not-- that we’re not--” he groans.

Zuko clears his throat and tries to shake away his embarrassment. “It’s fine. Azula’s been acting the same way. Obviously. I think it must just be a little sister thing, to try to meddle in feelings they don’t understand.”

Sokka spread his fingers out enough so he can peek at Zuko through the cracks. He doesn’t say anything else, though, like he’s waiting for Zuko to elaborate.

“Like…” Zuko isn’t really sure what he wants to say, “like Azula thinks she’s got me clocked and knows my feelings better than I do. She thinks I’m in love with you, when that obviously can’t be the case.”

Finally, Sokka lowers his hands. “Obviously?”

“Well, we kissed, and neither of us were really into it.” Or, at least, that’s what Zuko had been led to believe. Had he interpreted Sokka’s reaction incorrectly? Did Sokka actually like it? Should Zuko be letting Sokka down easily instead of being so blunt with him? _Agni_ , Zuko’s ruining everything, isn’t he? He should’ve just kept his mouth shut and--

“Oh!” Sokka’s voice interrupts Zuko’s internal spiral. “No, yeah, you’re _right_ , I just…”

“You just what?” Zuko prompts.

Sokka shakes his head. “Never mind. It’s stupid. I think Katara’s getting to me.”

Zuko raises his eyebrows, still waiting for Sokka to continue.

Sokka sighs. “I just… Katara suggested that maybe it was… a fluke?”

“A fluke?” Zuko questions. _A fluke._ Zuko _supposes_ that would explain why he’s been so confused about his feelings - why he thought he had a crush on Sokka, and then decided he must not despite the fact that it still sort of feels like a crush.

Of course, there’s only one way to test if it was truly a fluke or not, and that _one way_ has Zuko’s stomach doing uncomfortable somersaults. And not the nice ‘butterflies in your stomach around the guy you like’ kind; the ‘something bad is about to happen and I can’t do anything to stop it’ kind.

“Like I said, it’s stupid.” Sokka turns back to his laptop. “Just forget I said anything. I shouldn’t listen to Katara; what does she know about--”

“You might have a point,” Zuko blurts out before he can think better of it. He’s sure the shock at what he just said must be written across his face, and his expression probably isn’t all that different from Sokka’s. “I mean--” 

What _does_ Zuko mean? He hasn’t been able to put his confusion into words since New Year’s; why would he suddenly be granted that ability now?

“I guess… I guess I was kind of thinking the same thing?” He scratches the back of his neck. “My feelings for you are… confusing. I don’t know.” He lets out a nervous laugh. “Maybe Azula is getting to me,” he offers, parroting Sokka’s claim about Katara from earlier.

Sokka mumbles something Zuko can’t make out.

“What?”

He clears his throat. “I said, uh, we could try it again if you want.”

Zuko’s first thought is _I don’t really want to kiss you again_ , but then the part of his mind that likes to taunt him with the idea that he could be any semblance of normal says, _But wouldn’t it be so nice if it_ was _a fluke? Wouldn’t it be so nice to know how you feel? Wouldn’t it be so nice if you weren’t broken in a way that doesn’t make sense to anyone, least of all yourself?_

The second part of Zuko’s brain must win over, because he says, “Okay,” to both he and Sokka’s surprise.

“Okay?”

This is Zuko’s chance to back out, to listen to his first instincts and not put himself in a position he’d rather not be in.

“Okay,” he affirms.

A sense of dread settles in Zuko’s stomach as Sokka closes his laptop and pushes it to the side. It’s funny, how similar dread and excitement can feel in moments like this. A month ago when Sokka cupped Zuko’s cheek in his hand and brought his lips to Zuko’s, Zuko’s stomach was swirling with anticipation that felt strikingly similar to the apprehension he’s feeling now.

Or, maybe he just _thought_ it was an eager excitement, and it was really a sense of dread the whole time. Is there any way to be sure?

Now, though, Zuko knows for certain that it’s fear bubbling up inside of him. He knows, too, that he could technically still change his mind and back out, but he’s too stubborn to consider that for very long. Besides, he wanted answers, and he’s going to get them.

Sokka shifts so he and Zuko are seated across from each other. Hesitantly, he reaches one hand out for Zuko, and it lands on Zuko’s shoulder. He leans in closer, then stops.

“What is it?” Zuko asks. Secretly, he’s hoping Sokka is going to back out.

“What are we going to do if it _was_ a fluke?”

Zuko shrugs. “I guess we’ll have to admit everyone else was right.”

“And if it wasn’t?”

“Then we know _we’re_ right, no matter what anyone else says.”

Zuko can see the doubt lingering in Sokka’s eyes, but he nods and says. “Okay. Fair enough.”

Before Zuko can dwell too much more on how he _doesn’t want to do this_ , Sokka’s lips are on his.

Zuko wants to like it. _Really_ , he does. Even if Sokka doesn’t feel the same, even if they break apart and Sokka grimaces and professes that he never wants to do that again. Because it would be so much easier. It was _easier_ when Zuko had a nice little label for his feelings, and it was _easier_ when Zuko could categorize how he felt under the same label everyone else was using. Azula had a crush on Jin, Zuko had a crush on Sokka, and they spent their time poking fun at each other for it but entirely understanding why neither of them could ever hope to make the first move. 

Zuko _wants_ to like kissing Sokka, but he just--

He doesn’t.

He _doesn’t_ like it. It doesn’t feel nice. It feels weird and a little gross, it feels like something he wishes would just _stop_ , it feels like something he definitely could not stomach doing for the rest of his life, and maybe it has less to do with Sokka specifically and more to do with just the act of kissing in general.

Sokka pulls back, breaking the kiss, and wipes his mouth. He shakes his head. “No. Not a fluke. Didn’t like it.”

Zuko breathes out a sigh of relief. “Thank Agni. Me neither.”

Sokka hums. “So what now?”

Zuko checks the time. “Well that killed a good fifteen minutes, so--” he frowns as a Snapchat notification from Azula pops up on the screen.

“Something wrong?”

“Azula,” is the only answer Zuko offers. Sokka nods in understanding. Zuko navigates to Snapchat and turns so both he and Sokka can see what Azula sent. Sokka rests his chin on Zuko’s shoulder and wraps his arms around Zuko’s torso as Zuko opens the message.

Zuko adamantly does not think about how he’s seen Mai and Ty Lee in this exact position too many times to count.

\--

When Zuko and Sokka get back from class, Suki and Yue are already in their apartment, lounging on the couch. Druk - Zuko’s lizard - is perched on Suki’s arm as she feeds him blueberries, and Yue is reading a book Zuko recognizes as his own.

“I’m confiscating the key I gave you,” Sokka tells Suki as he drops his backpack on the floor.

“No take backs,” Suki replies without even looking up. “Also, we’re only here to save you two from Katara and Azula. Apparently Azula told Mai that Katara agreed to team up with her in order to get you two to confront your feelings, and Mai told Ty Lee, who told me. Then I told Yue and we agreed we should probably try to intervene, because the idea of Katara and Azula teaming up for something is nothing less than terrifying for the rest of us, let alone for their victims.”

“So you figured you’d just… let yourselves into our apartment?” Sokka raises an eyebrow.

“You gave me a key,” Suki points out.

“For emergencies!”

“You’re telling me Katara and Azula working together _isn’t_ an emergency?”

Sokka looks over at Zuko, and Zuko shrugs. Suki has a point. The trouble is, it’s not like she and Yue can do anything to stop it. The only thing that will stop Azula and Katara wreaking havoc on the world is if Zuko and Sokka get together.

And they just confirmed that isn’t something either of them want.

“Sit down,” Suki instructs. “We’re going to talk about our feelings and you guys aren’t allowed to leave until I say we’re done.”

Zuko does not want to sit down in a circle and talk about his feelings, but he also knows better than to argue with Suki. Besides, it’s not like he has anything to hide.

So, with a sigh, Zuko plops down on the floor next to Sokka. Yue and Suki move down to the floor as well, with Druk climbing up to perch on Suki’s shoulder.

“I’ve had this conversation with both of you separately,” Suki starts, looking back and forth between Zuko and Sokka, “and you both denied your feelings.”

“Because they aren’t there!” Zuko interrupts. “But no one will believe us.”

“That’s because everyone’s seen the way you two interact,” Suki responds, somehow remaining perfectly calm. It’s a little infuriating, if Zuko’s being honest. But of course she isn’t annoyed by the fact that everyone is trying to define her relationship with Yue, so she can’t possibly see how frustrating it is to have no one listen when you’re telling the truth.

“We interact like we’re friends,” Sokka counters. He crosses his arms. “I really don’t see the issue. I don’t see any reason for an intervention. Nothing you do is going to change our feelings, and the same goes for my sister and Azula. It’s not like there’s a magic potion that will make this all make sense to any of us.”

Suki opens her mouth, blinks, then closes it. She tilts her head. “What do you mean _make this make sense_?”

Sokka scoffs and rolls his eyes. “You think I _wanted_ to figure out I’ve been wrong about feelings I thought I had for years?” He gestures vaguely towards Zuko. “I thought I had a crush on Zuko for _two years_ , and then you all convinced us to kiss on New Year’s for funsies or whatever, and I didn’t like it. At all. Which I guess puts me back at square one and had me rethinking the past two years of my life, because if I didn’t have a crush on _Zuko_ , then who have I ever had a crush on? I don’t even know if I liked Yue as anything other than a friend when we were together now! _None_ of this makes sense, and you guys think I’ve got my feelings all nicely figured out and I’m just refusing to own up to them!”

Zuko is ready to say something along the lines of, _Wait, that’s exactly how_ I _feel_ , but Yue speaks up first. “Wait. Sokka… why, specifically, do you think you can’t have a crush on Zuko?”

“Because I kissed him, and I hated it,” he answers bluntly.

Zuko nods. “Same here. If neither of us liked kissing the other, how could we possibly be hiding feelings for each other?”

“You…” Yue furrows her eyebrows. “Okay. Okay, I-- Sokka. You said you’re questioning whether you actually had feelings for _me_ when we were dating, because how you felt for me is similar to what you feel for Zuko?”

“Yes.” He winces. “Uh. Sorry. I’m just… confused?”

“You don’t need to apologize; I’m not mad at you,” Yue assures him. She turns to Zuko. “I’m getting the feeling that you had a similar experience to Sokka?”

“Yes,” Zuko confirms. He scratches the back of his neck. “Basically just… the same thing. I thought I liked him, we kissed, I didn’t like that, I had a mild crisis about my feelings, and here we are.”

Yue nods slowly. “Have you two considered you might be asexual?”

Zuko and Sokka look at each other, then back to Yue. “What?”

“Asexual,” Yue repeats, though Zuko knows they’ve both heard that term before because Yue and Toph both identify with it, “as in, not sexually attracted to anyone, regardless of gender.”

“Kissing isn’t sex,” Sokka points out. “Those are very different things.”

“You’re right,” Yue agrees. “But asexuality is a spectrum. Some ace people, like me, are completely fine with kissing. But some ace people are repulsed by the idea of kissing. Sort of like Toph, though she’s aromantic, so she also just doesn’t like romance in general. Being kiss-repulsed and romance-repulsed don’t have to go hand-in-hand, though. That might be Toph’s experience, but it definitely isn’t everyone’s, and it may very well not be yours.”

Zuko rolls Yue’s words around in his mind. He almost hates how much sense it makes, how nicely it seems to answer all the questions he’s had since New Year’s.

There is also, of course, the idea of sex. Which, as Sokka pointed out, isn’t the same as kissing. But Zuko doesn’t really have any arguments that he _can_ be sexually attracted to people. He hasn’t exactly had a lot of crushes in his life. There was Mai, who he thought he had a crush on before he realized he’s gay. There was Jet, senior year of high school, and those feelings fizzled out after Jet moved away for college, long before they had a chance to actually go anywhere. And then there was Sokka, who Zuko really thought he had real, genuine, feelings for. Feelings he’d labelled as _If this isn’t a crush, then what is?_ Feelings that for the past several months have teetered around _I love you_ territory despite the fact that he and Sokka aren’t even together.

But sex had never once crossed Zuko’s mind. It wasn’t something he liked to think about, so he just… hadn’t even taken the time to consider it.

Yue might have a point, at least about Zuko’s feelings.

He glances over at Sokka. The issue is if Yue is right about Zuko’s feelings and not Sokka’s. Because then, Zuko’s feelings are out on the table and in Sokka’s hands, and Sokka can do whatever he pleases with them. He can try to let Zuko down gently, or he can decide he never wants to speak to Zuko again.

Sokka takes a deep breath, and Zuko braces himself for the worst. But he doesn’t get the worst, for once in his life. Instead, Sokka carefully says, “I think you might be right.”

Suki’s eyes widen in surprise. “Just like that? No more denial?”

“I was denying it because I thought I was telling the truth,” Sokka explains. “I don’t think denying it is the truth anymore, though. I didn’t-- I always thought not liking kissing was limited to aromanticism, ‘cause Toph hates the idea of kissing anyone, and I know Yue is ace and isn’t repulsed by kissing. But obviously that isn’t always the case, and…” Sokka looks at the floor, rolling the cuff of his jeans between his fingers. “It makes too much sense that I’m in love with Zuko for me to fight against it.”

The words hit Zuko like a freight train: _It makes too much sense that I’m in love with Zuko for me to fight against it_.

_In love with Zuko._

_In love with Zuko._

The world is dead silent and completely still as the words rattle around Zuko’s brain. _In love, in love, in love_. That’s all there is to it, isn’t it? Whatever they have - regardless of whether they seal it with a kiss or not - is love, and they’re _in love_ and there’s no doubt in Zuko’s mind that he wants to spend the rest of his life next to Sokka. What is that if not love?

In one of Zuko’s classes last semester, they started talking about the different words for love that the Greeks had, but even their word for romantic love - _eros_ \- was intertwined with sexual attraction. That isn’t always how love is, though. Love is multi-faceted; it has layers. Zuko’s love for Sokka fits under _eros_ in the romantic sense, but it also fits under _philia_ and _pragma_ and _agape_.

In Japanese, there are different words for love, and Zuko remembers his mother attempting to explain the differences between them to him and Azula when they were little. _Ai_ is closer to the idea of romantic love - love for a person - while _koi_ is more about the general feeling of love. Zuko thinks both could be used to describe how he feels about Sokka.

It’s a pity English only has the one word that has to encompass everything, but then again, maybe it’s easier that way. Zuko doesn’t have to debate the specifics of the term he uses; he just knows he loves Sokka and there’s no argument that _love_ is the wrong word.

“Zuko?” Sokka asks, voice quiet, still not quite meeting Zuko’s eyes.

“I’m in love with you too,” Zuko confesses, the words tumbling out of his mouth too fast to stop them even if he wanted to.

Sokka meets his eyes, finally, and then he’s surging forward and pulling Zuko into a hug. Zuko watches Suki and Yue exchange sly looks before Suki clears her throat and says, “I think that’s our cue to leave. I’ll tell Katara and Azula the good news.” She pushes herself to her feet, picks Druk up off her shoulder, and places him on Zuko’s head. Then, she offers her hand to Yue, who takes it and uses it to pull herself up.

As soon as the door shuts behind them, Sokka breaks the hug. He laughs lightly before reaching up for Druk. The lizard scrambles down Sokka’s arm and onto his shoulder. “I guess everyone else was right all along.”

“Well it’s not like they can _blame_ us for being confused,” Zuko says.

“Fair enough,” Sokka concedes. He reaches out for Zuko’s hands. “Okay. I have to ask… what do we do now?”

Zuko shrugs a little helplessly. “I don’t know. Probably bite the bullet and stick a label on what we are. And then we figure it out from there, I guess.” He squeezes Sokka’s hands in his. “As long as that’s what you want.”

Sokka nods. “I want that. I’d like to be your boyfriend, if that’s alright with you.”

“That sounds perfect.”

Sokka beams. “Okay. Next. Obviously kisses on the lips are a no-go for both of us. But when I dated Yue, while I obviously never kissed her on the lips, we both liked forehead kisses and hand kisses and cheek kisses. So I’m cool with those if you’re cool with those, but I won’t cross any lines you don’t want me to cross.”

Zuko’s first thought, rather than an actual answer to Sokka’s question, is _Spirits I love you so much_. After the initial flood of affection has settled, he realizes he doesn’t actually _have_ an answer for Sokka. “I’m… not sure,” he admits. “The only relationship I’ve been in was with Mai freshman year of high school, and all we did was hold hands and sit together at lunch.” He swallows and looks down at he and Sokka’s hands. “I’m not against trying, though.”

Sokka takes the invitation, bringing one of Zuko’s hands up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the knuckles. It is, decidedly, a much nicer type of kiss that Zuko can definitely get behind.

“Thoughts?” Sokka asks.

“I like that one.” Zuko returns the favor, kissing the back of Sokka’s hand and looking up to see Sokka smiling sweetly at him.

Sokka leans in then, and his lips make contact first with Zuko’s cheek, then his forehead, and finally his nose, which Zuko instinctively scrunches up in response.

“I like those too,” he decides. He disentangles his fingers from Sokka’s and brings his hands up to cup Sokka’s cheeks before pressing a kiss to Sokka’s forehead. 

Sokka sighs contentedly and his eyelids flutter shut. “I love you,” he whispers, and it sounds almost like it was an unconscious decision.

Zuko leans back just enough to take in Sokka like this - eyes shut, Druk still seated on his shoulder, the ghost of a smile playing on his face, close enough that Zuko could count each and every one of his freckles - and he wants to live in the giddiness that bubbles up in his stomach and the tenderness in Sokka’s expression.

Sokka cracks an eye open. “What?”

“I love you too.”

And there are still a thousand thoughts swirling around Zuko’s mind. How will Azula react? How will _Uncle_ react? How is this going to change things? How could someone with Zuko’s luck hope to be able to hold onto his first boyfriend for the rest of his life? But none of them are quite as loud as _I love you_.

Zuko doesn’t have the answers to his questions. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen next between him and Sokka, doesn’t know how his friends and family will react, doesn’t know where this new revelation will take him. 

All he really knows is that he loves Sokka.

And he thinks, maybe, that’s more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

>  **sources**  
>  japanese words for love: [x](https://www.thoughtco.com/japanese-words-for-love-2028042) [x](https://blog.gaijinpot.com/japanese-two-kanji-love/#:~:text=While%20no%20one%20would%20ever,%E6%81%8B%20koi%20and%20%E6%84%9B%20ai%20.) [x](https://www.fluentin3months.com/i-love-you-in-japanese/)  
> greek words for love: [x](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a34896557/types-of-love/) [x](https://www.bishuk.com/relationships/more-than-one-love/)  
> (if there's any issues with what i included, please let me know and i'll fix them!!)
> 
> i don't have any specific sources concerning research on asexuality bc i really just went off prior knowledge for this, but if you want some, ellen has some linked in the end notes of her [ace!zuko oneshot](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593525)
> 
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/)


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